Human-interest story

Want to know how to turn off a reporter and/or editor from your idea for an article?

Tell them you have a "human-interest" story.

I've been in the business for longer than I care to admit. I've seen babies whose births I typed up grow to be doctors and lawyers. I've typed up their children's births.

And in all that time, I've never heard an idea described as a "human-interest story" that would interest any human other than the one presenting the idea. Never. Not once.

Any interest I might have in what you're saying is out the door when you utter those three words. I hear nothing else. You might as well talk to a tree.

Over the years, "human-interest stories" pitched to me include:
-- Caller's divorce issues.

-- Caller's custody issues.

-- Caller went to bank for change for a $20. Bank wouldn't give change.

-- My granddaughter is prom queen/homecoming queen/insert-your-own-title-here queen.

-- A bailiff was rude to me.

Divorce sucks. Custody battles suck even more.

Banks have the right to make their own rules, including denying your change. Go to the convenience store down the road; I'll bet you your $20 they'll give you change.

There are a whole bunch of high schools out there. They all have prom queens, homecoming queens and probably real queens who I think are OK but you'd probably demand be kicked out of school not because they're causing problems, but because that's the kind of hateful in-the-name-of-Christianity pig you are.

Maybe the bailiff was having a bad day. Or maybe you're a rude bitch. My money lays with the latter.