Monday, April 30, 2007

Smells like Kurt's spirit

Courtney Love says she's going to sell Kurt Cobain's things.
"My daughter doesn't need to inherit a giant ... bag full of flannel ... shirts," says Love, former frontwoman of the rock band Hole. "A sweater, a guitar and the lyrics to '(Smells Like) Teen Spirit' -- that's what my daughter gets. And the rest of it we'll just ... sell." (Insert the f-bomb where the ellipses are.)

I missed the whole Nirvana craze, but I'm living it now. My 14-year-old has decided that Kurt's da bomb, and I have yet to break it to her that his widow is selling off his belongings.

I must admit, my first thought was How could she? Then, I paused.

I thought back to going through my mother's things. The dolls she loved ... the angels she collected. Without Mom, they were just stuff. The love my mother had for them -- that's what made them special.

I have found myself decluttering after spending a year sorting through Mom's receipts, photos, Bibles and the like. In the back of my mind, I keep telling myself that I'm doing it for The Girl -- so she won't face such a daunting task of "Should I keep this? Or should I let it go?"

I imagine things are the same for Courtney. Of course there are things she'll keep. But without Kurt, most of his belongings have lost their magic.

Break out the tags and Sharpies, Courtney. We're having a sale!

Sunday, April 29, 2007

You've got to be there!

The News Sentinel has a big splash about The 1982 World's Fair today. As part of the coverage, all these people have given their memories about the fair -- even those who were about 3 at the time.

I was there -- once. And how bad is it to admit that I have no memories of the fair itself?

I was 18, and it was one of the last hurrahs before I graduated from high school. I went with my FHA chapter. (That's Future Homemakers of America.) Here's what I remember:

-- While on the bus, we passed a bus from the Tennessee School for the Deaf. They were using ASL and, being smartasses (dumbasses is more like it), we pantomimed what we thought was sign language. We should have had our heads slapped.

-- Minutes later, we heard a helicopter overhead. One of the girls dropped the bus window, stuck out her head and yelled, "Hi, Pete!" in hopes that she'd just spotted Pete Michaels, traffic watcher from the sky for our favorite radio station, WOKI-FM.

-- We all talked about trying to get free beer from the pavilions. Talk is all it was. I was a good Baptist girl and my mom would have tanned my hide smartly if I had followed through. It didn't matter that Mom was 60 miles away. She would have known.

-- I was with my friend Wilma. Don't remember what we did or saw. I just remember her being there.

-- We stopped at a McDonald's on the way home. The place was decked out in sea theme. The biggest chuckle of the day was when one of the girls pointed out the restrooms which were, in bad punese, marked "Buoys" and "Gulls."

It was a trip I'll never forget -- even if the fair was forgettable.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Should it stay, or should it go?

My divorced friend once confided that a woman usually changes her hair after a divorce.

Maybe it's a reflection of change. So it was with her, and now with me.

My tresses, once cropped short and styled with a simple shake of the head, are now to my shoulders. I can almost tuck what used to be my bangs behind my ears. And I can scoop up all my hair and pull it back into a sizeable ponytail.

In an attempt to disguise the grey that seems to sprout like dandelions on a golf green, I have an appointment in two weeks for highlights. And, like every other appointment I've had in the last two years, I ponder:

Should I cut it? Or let it go?

I actually toy from time to time with growing enough hair to donate to someone like Locks for Love or Wigs for Kids. While a worthy cause, I think my self-restraint with dealing with my hair will be long gone before it gets to a decent, donatable length.

And that time may be soon. I'm starting to feel like "American Idol's" Sanjaya. My hair tickles the back of my neck, falls into my eyes and annoys me in general.

But I'll probably keep it when the time comes for a decision. Probably.

Or maybe not.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Lowering the standards

Earlier this year, those great bastions known as the Tennessee General Assembly decided that it's OK if your city or county mayor and their boards didn't graduate from high school.

Now they're looking at lowering -- yes, lowering -- the GPA required for the state's lottery scholarships.

http://www.knoxnews.com/kns/state/article/0,1406,KNS_348_5499206,00.html

Right now, it takes a 3.0 GPA -- a B -- to qualify for the what will be $4,000-a-year gifts under Gov. Bredesen's education plan. To keep it, they must sustain a 2.75 GPA the first year of college and a 3.0 subsequent years.

The plan, which, sadly, has the support of Bredesen, is to lower the GPA to 2.75 for those later college years.

We're giving these kids free money, folks. Isn't the least they can do is work for it?

Things happen, and I understand that. But wouldn't it be better to impose a probationary semester to give students a chance to improve?

Lowering the standards is one of the factors putting us behind in education. It's simply not acceptable, in my opinion, to drop the requirements.

What kind of message does that send to young people? Oh, yeah -- I forgot. This legislature doesn't CARE about the impression their actions make on the state's youth. Silly me.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Would that be a full moon or a new moon?

Oh dear Lord. Just when I thought things couldn't get worse with those buffoons who collectively call themselves the Tennessee General Assembly.

It seems now that, at the behest of the Shelby County Sheriff's Office, the great solons are looking to pass a bill to make it a misdemeanor for prisoners to expose their buttocks. Mooning, as you will.

I have a lot of questions about this one. What if Byron "Low-Tax" Looper decides to drop his drawers? He's a lifer; what the hell does he care if he gets slapped with a misdemeanor?

The great lawmakers have pointed out that there are now a lot of female corrections officers who are getting exposed. Ummmm ... isn't that one of the casualties of the job? (And no, I'm not a corrections officer, nor do I care to be one. I see lots of asses daily without having someone show me theirs.)

One of my former co-workers used to expose his ass to us on a daily basis. His jeans were baggy, and it was nothing for us to look over and see a whole new ... uhh ... side of J. Should he get a misdemeanor charge? I'm a female, and it was a sight I sure as hell didn't want to see.

But you've got to see this. You can't make this stuff up.

Insert shriek here

There's a new Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix trailer. And it's looooooong.

Am I happy? You betcha. :)

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Sophomoric potpourri

... because we need a little levity after a sad week.

***
Here's my advice to Ireland Baldwin:

The next time your daddy calls you, tell him this:

I'm rubber; you're glue
What you say bounces off me and sticks to you.


I say this because that insipid phone call Alec Baldwin made to his daughter conjures up descriptives for him that he used for his 11-year-old daughter.

Namely pig, idiot, ass.

I never liked Baldwin, but he's officially off my list. He joins Tom Cruise, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt in the Hall of Shame; i.e., works banned from my house because they're complete idiots.

Dammit. I really like "30 Rock."

***
So Larry Birkhead has evoked the masses by accepting cash from OK! magazine for an article and photos of him and daughter Dannielynn.

My take? Good for him!

Raising kids is damned expensive. So are legal fees to fight grandmother-cum-sow Virgie Arthur for custody of his child.

And, not to diss Larry's profession, but when have you ever seen his name in a photo credit?

My fervent wish is for Larry to be able to raise Dannielynn away from the bright lights of Hollywood and the vultures circling for a piece of what she could inherit from her mother, Anna Nicole Smith.

I still kind of feel sorry for Howard, though. He's kind of grown on me. You know, like a pet rat. You're disgusted at first, then it sort of starts to look cute.

***
Mary Winkler did it, but she's off with a manslaughter charge and could face no more time incarcerated.

I've always believed there was more to the Winkler story, and I still do. I believe she was abused, and that he was a difficult man to live with.

I also believe, contrary to what others are posting, that she could have fired the gun without meaning to. I know nothing about guns, nor do I want to. I wouldn't know how to load one, or how to check if it was. Consequently, I also wouldn't know if the safety was on or even where the safety is.

I've only held a gun maybe twice. (C'mon, this is The South -- most men, including my daddy, grandpa and the one I used to live with, pack heat.) It only seems natural, in my opinion only, to rest your finger near the trigger while you hold it.

As for the phone cord being yanked out? Isn't it possible that he yanked it out to keep her from calling for help?

I wish Mary Winkler godspeed and a way to deal with the rest of her life. Good luck.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Outrage

Meredith Vieira is outraged.

She's not alone. Talking heads are filling the airwaves with their perplexities, wondering why on earth nothing was done to treat a disturbed young man before he went on a rampage that left 33 dead, including himself.

This is no surprise to those of us who have dealt with mental illness personally. Nobody takes it seriously -- except those living with it.

Insurance companies -- including Medicare and TennCare -- will only pay for so many days. I literally counted the days until the end of a six-month period, when Medicare would again pay for my mother's stay at a mental hospital.

Even those trained to deal with mental illness don't recognize it. Time and again, I would beg them to keep Mom for further evaluation and treatment.

"She's OK," they'd tell me, practically pushing the poor soul on me to take home to wallow in her personal hell.

Except she wasn't. My sweet mother, who only completed the seventh grade and spent her life doing menial jobs to support first her aging parents and then my sister and me, could give an Academy Award-worthy performance in front of others. My aunt and I, however, could look into her eyes and see the troubled soul that lurked underneath. And no matter how much we protested, they continued to tell us she was OK.

We begged her to take her medicines. She wouldn't. We'd rat her out to her doctors. They'd rail. She'd promise to do better. She wouldn't.

That's the roller coaster of mental illness, folks.

And HIPAA -- what a joke. There were times I couldn't talk one-on-one with my mother's caregivers because -- SURPRISE! -- I wasn't listed as one of the people they could talk to. THE WOMAN WAS MENTALLY ILL!!! Putting my name on a form wasn't uppermost on her mind in the river of misery that led her to treatment.

I called health officials and said, "Look -- you can't talk to me; but I can talk to you." And talk I did.

"Please don't let her out."

"Please. I found a noose in her apartment. I'm afraid she'll kill herself."

"She's not taking her medicine."

"She's conning you."

They listened, all right -- they signed release forms and sent her back to continue her path of destruction.

I wrote my congressman and begged him to re-examine the HIPAA law in relation to the mentally ill. He didn't even bother to respond with a form letter thanking me for my interest. Bastard.

The demons that haunted my mother were quieted just over two years ago. It was no thanks to the society that was meant to protect her or any physician or health-care worker who finally saw the light.

My mother took matters into her own hands. One sunny Sunday morning, she pointed a handgun between her breasts and squeezed the trigger.

The woman who gave me life silenced her demons by taking her own. A victim of a system that didn't take her illness seriously.

Now 33 are lost for the same reason. Meredith is outraged -- and so are many others.

Maybe a national outrage will force people to listen. Maybe it will lead to better care for the mentally ill.

It's the prayer I lift while asking for strength for the families of the victims -- including the parents of the gunman.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Unfreakingbelievable

Thirty-two people dead. Fifteen injured.

Young people on the cusp of their lives who simply woke up/reported for class on campus.

God, what a tragedy.

I personally have never been on the Virginia Tech campus. But one of my best friends and his wife are alums, and they're Hokie faithful. An intern at work completed her schooling there. And its name is displayed prominently in one of the supervisor's office at work -- a supervisor whose child plans to be a second-generation VT grad in the family.

It's sad. Senseless.

My prayers are with the families and friends of those lost. May God give you strength at this difficult time.

What's worse?

cup of joe powell/ is quickly becoming one of my favorite bloggers.

Today, he has a link to Media Matters.0 In light of the Don Imus situation, they've taken on other talk jocks -- Neil Boortz and Michael Savage among them.

Both of these talk jocks have prominent places on the local NewsTalk lineup. Boortz was on my list the first day I heard him, when he referenced "the Japs." And Savage is offensive every time he opens his mouth.

Media Matters includes e-mail addresses for the talk jocks. I suggest a third: e-mail our own local station and ask that they be taken off the airwaves. Here you go: wnox.news@citcomm.com

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Ummmm ... you forgot someone!

I generally dedicate my Sunday mornings (and sometimes, like today, Sunday afternoons) to catching up on bloggers around me.

I generally leave the computer enlightened, even if I'm not seeking it.

Today's readings generated something interesting from Cup of Joe Powell. He lists the top 10 of Tennessee's "Power 100" from Business Tennessee.

I thought I'd take it a step further, and list some of the ones who might strike a familiar chord in my little corner of the state. (I have to wonder, though, how Coach Phil Fulmer was bested by Dave Cooley. Then again, I wonder why my name wasn't among them!)

For your perusal:

99 Jack Fishman
President, CEO & Publisher • Lakeway Publishers
Flat out the most influential businessman in Morristown but who also has considerable statewide and national reach. Publisher of more than a dozen community papers, magazines and Web sites across East and Middle Tennessee (and Missouri) including The Citizen Tribune in Morristown, The Tullahoma News, The Grundy County Herald of Tracy City, The Herald Chronicle of Winchester, The Manchester Times, and Elk Valley Times of Fayetteville. Member, State Board of Regents (over six universities and 13 community colleges). Director, SunTrust Bank, Morristown, Knoxville. Former Morristown Chamber head who has led local economic development for decades. One of just 22 board members of the Associated Press, the largest and oldest news organization in the world with 243 bureaus in 97 countries. Past president, National Newspaper Association. Director, Newspaper Association of America.

94 Phil Fulmer
Head football coach • University of Tennessee, Knoxville
Recovered from first losing season in 13 years to capture nine victories and a New Year’s Day bowl appearance. Topped it off with a banner recruiting year (top five nationally). Remains an entrenched powerhouse in Big Orange nation leading a football program and financial rainmaker for the university and state that is near and dear to many top Tennessee CEOs and average Tennesseans alike.

84 Lincoln Davis
4th District Congressman
Represents broad swath of rural East Tennessee as member of the new Democratic majority. But makes list more for prowess as a political animal than a policy tool in Washington D.C. Always heavily involved in other people’s campaigns (chaired the recent Ford Jr. for Senate campaign), Davis’ hip-tight relationships with party faithful across state is expected to bolster an eventual gubernatorial run by the former state Senator from Pall Mall.

71 Gerald Boyd
Manager of Oak Ridge Operations • U.S. Department of Energy
Top federal official in Oak Ridge with oversight of all Department of Energy facilities and assets there (as well as contractors UT-Battelle and BWXT). Essentially the CEO of a multi-billion business that contributes mightily to Tennessee’s business success and climate. DOE and its federal contractors represent about 12,000 Tennessee jobs with direct wages and salaries totaling more than $650 million.

48 Bruce Hartmann
President & Publisher • Knoxville News Sentinel
Runs Knoxville News Sentinel, with its circulation of over 121,000 daily and over 153,000 on Sunday. Recently rolled out new monthly business publication in concert with Knox Area Chamber of Commerce. Newest board is Friends of Great Smoky Mountains National Park. Previously chaired Tennessee Theatre Foundation efforts, raising $24 million in restoration funding. Credited with aiding Gov. Bredesen’s surprising win in Knox County in close 2002 election.

47 Jim Cooper
5th District Congressman
Policy co-chair of powerful Blue Dog Coalition comprised of more than 50 deficit-hawkish, socially conservative Democrats now equipped with a lot of bargaining power in the Democratic-controlled House. Member, Armed Services Committee, spearheading call for Iraq war strategy shift. Recently added to congressional watchdog committee, targeting waste and fraud. A highly respected go-to guy for new majority in nation’s Capitol.

44 Jeff Wadsworth
Director • Oak Ridge National Laboratory
Heads globally significant facilities that house the $1.4 billion Spallation Neutron Source, the world’s largest civilian science project; the Department of Energy’s first nanoscience center; and the world’s largest non-classified computer. Under Wadsworth, ORNL has emerged as arguably America’s most relevant National Lab and the preferred location of federal decision makers for important and big dollar scientific endeavors. (Could a more public leading role on alternative fuels research be next?)

40 Mike Ragsdale
Mayor • Knox County
Recently re-elected president, state association of county mayors—an ideal platform to nurse a future gubernatorial run. Lack of personal wealth—though not qualification or personality—needed to be successful in that endeavor may hold him back. Despite recent acrid political environment, has helped turn county around with ability to govern, make friends, accentuate the positive and produce results.

38 Dave Cooley
Principal • Cooley Public Strategies
Political strategy whiz that recently departed post as Tennessee’s Deputy Governor (running day-to-day operations of the $25 billion business that is state government). Gov. Bredesen’s longtime trusted adviser, Cooley has now formed a consulting group attached to Tennessee’s largest public relations firm, McNeely, Pigott & Fox. Well placed outside the administration but with unsurpassed access to it, Cooley’s power remains strong across the state’s business and political spheres.

36 Zach Wamp
3rd District Congressman
While it would be better for Tennessee to have a majority Democrat on the House Appropriations Committee controlling where federal spending goes, that committee is historically less partisan than many, so Wamp’s presence on Tennessee’s behalf remains crucial (consider ongoing Chickamauga Lock funding). Wamp is also revered by East Tennessee leaders, in part for his role in the life of the Tennessee Valley Technology Corridor, a business development phenomenon.

35 Pat Summitt
Lady Vols basketball coach • University of Tennessee, Knoxville
Winningest coach in college basketball history—including Bobby Knight. Cheatham County native who fashioned the template for income-producing women’s college game nationally (and deserves much credit for the viability of the pro women’s game as well). As the genesis of such parity, it is all the more impressive that she remains a top-five program year in and year out. Like Dolly Parton, a recognized Tennessee brand in international circles.

32 Bill Haslam
Mayor of Knoxville
Now three years on the job, the former Pilot Corp. and Saks executive and member of the prominent Haslam family has become a legitimate prospect for governor. With the Haslam family purse strings (and East Tennessee political heft), he would be under any circumstances. Well regarded for business-like approach to running city government. Knoxville is in strong financial shape and increasingly the darling of national business press.

31 Bill Sansom
Chairman & CEO • H.T. Hackney Co.
Owns and runs one of Tennessee’s largest private companies, $3 billion plus, 116-year-old, Knoxville-based wholesale food distribution business (serving 20,000 independent grocers with 25,000 different products). Subsidiaries include bottled water company and furniture manufacturing outfits. New chairman of TVA, the nation’s largest utility, steering it toward a nuclear future. Former state commissioner of transportation and finance. Cross-state public company board service includes Mid-America Apartment Communities, First Horizon and Astec.

30 Jimmy Haslam
CEO • Pilot Corp.
Leading Tennessee’s second largest privately held company, Pilot Corp., 50% owner of the nation’s largest travel center operator. Has grown father’s company to more than 270 locations, and, by introducing fast food partnerships, has become one of America’s largest restaurant franchise operators. Reunited company with Marathon. Purchased Williams Travel Centers. Steadily supplanting father as both the chief business and political fundraising force in East Tennessee.

29 Julius Johnson
Chief administrative officer/lobbyist • Tennessee Farm Bureau
Columbia-based voice of the largest Farm Bureau Federation in the United States based on membership and one of the top insurance companies in Tennessee. As such, steers the most powerful lobby watching over the state’s legislative process and actions of largely rurally elected lawmakers. Represents state’s agricultural sector and its tens of billions of dollars in annual output, now benefiting from over $60 million in state investments in alternative fuels research.

19 Jim Clayton
Founder • Clayton Homes
Legendary Knoxville businessman who sold his manufactured home empire to renowned investor Warren Buffett, grossing $474 million and raising East Tennessee’s business profile in the process. Now having a profound impact on the East Tennessee region via venture capital. Also building a statewide community banking empire, FSB Bancshares. And boldly and profitably consolidating the manufactured housing lending market. Clayton Homes donated tons of mobile homes following Hurricane Katrina disaster.

16 Lamar Alexander
U.S. Senator
Tennessee’s senior senator, though in the minority party. Named to Senate Appropriations Committee determining where federal money flows. Also on the Environment Committee. Crafty politician who will find ways to be a player and affect Tennessee in positive ways despite his minority status. The only Tennessean popularly elected both governor and U.S. Senator. Former U.S. Education Secretary and UT president. Maryville native founded what’s now America’s largest provider of worksite daycare.

14 Dolly Parton
Entertainer & Entrepreneur
Among nation’s most-recognized entertainers (recently awarded nation’s highest arts award, the Kennedy Center Honor), its leading tourism spokesperson and champion of children’s literacy (her Imagination Library program, through which 160,000 kids receive free books monthly, covers Tennessee and increasingly the United States). Businesswoman behind Pigeon Forge’s Dollywood amusement park, Tennessee’s top tourist attraction, drawing over two million visitors annually. Recently pledged $500,000 toward construction of replacement Fort Sanders Sevier Medical Center.

12 Gerald Nicely
Commissioner • Tennessee Department of Transportation
Gov. Bredesen’s right-hand man called on in 2002 to usher in a new era of public interaction and consensus-building at formerly insular TDOT. Tabbed during last year’s highway trooper cronyism scandal as interim director of the Department of Safety. Against the backdrop of aging highways and budget cuts, will influence Bredesen’s policy direction on possible gas taxes, bond measures replacing pay-as-you-go formula or creation of toll roads.

8 James “Big Jim” Haslam II
Chairman • Pilot Corp.
Founded state’s second largest private company, co-owner of the largest operator of highway travel plazas in America and the largest seller of over-the-road diesel fuel. Company employs over 13,000 in 40 states and recently expanded footprint to Canada. Top Tennessee political fundraiser and currently (he is retiring soon) the most powerful University of Tennessee trustee (who gave school $34 million gift last year). Boards include First Horizon and Ruby Tuesday.

7 John Petersen
President • University of Tennessee system
Chief operating officer of geographically diverse, well-staffed, multi-facility University of Tennessee system, making him a rare example of a person whose power is scattered from border to border in Tennessee. Now a few years in the position, and with a bold new strategic mission in place, Petersen is a person whose power is escalating fast as he emerges fully as a voice in statewide political and business circles.

6 Ron Ramsey
Lt. Gov. • State of Tennessee
Blountville Republican who this year amassed the votes needed to at long last topple longtime Tennessee Lt. Gov. John Wilder from his Senate Speaker post. Vast new powers include selecting committee heads, determining the path of Senate legislation and serving as a roadblock to Gov. Phil Bredesen’s legislative agenda where deemed necessary by the GOP. Also appoints (or chooses not to re-appoint) citizen members to influential state boards and commissions.

The Peke and Me


Allow me to introduce The Man of the House.
I'll marry the first man who looks at me the way this little guy does. You can almost literally see hearts in his eyes.
The little guy is usually where I am in the house. If I'm doing dishes, he's napping underneath the table.
If I'm tidying the living room, he's either in his crate or lounging on the sofa or love seat.
If I'm taking a bath, he's stretched out on a towel in "his shelf" of the towel pantry or, as you can see above, either on or in the bathroom hamper.
Accessibility made it easy to find him the other day, when I finished "Marley and Me." John Grogan's tale of "the worst dog in the world" will make you laugh, appreciate your good dog, and sob uncontrollably.
I really feel that I got to know Marley in the 300-plus pages in which Grogan tells about the start of a family with an anvil-headed yellow pooch in their midst. And, days later, I find myself mourning the loss of the Grogans' family beloved Lab.
It's a must-read, especially if you're a dog lover. Just be sure your pup's nearby for a hug as you read the last pages. You're going to need it.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Gee, thanks Mom

Imagine the scenario:

Your father has been found dead in a house laden with garbage and feces.

Your mother was pulled out alive and is recuperating after being trapped underneath said filth.

Officials have posted the dwelling "unfit for human occupancy."

And then you find out this:
The house will be boarded up, and the woman's relatives will be allowed to go through the contents, authorities said.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/04/14/trapped.woman.ap/index.html?eref=rss_us

Uhhhh ... thanks, but no thanks. Anyone have a match?

There is life after The Bug

The Bug is bad.

As one who lived to tell the tale, The Bug is debilitating. It's tiring. And it makes you feel like a queen because your new favorite seat is a throne that needs a royal flushing.

It can be beat -- but you'll never recognize that when The Bug is in your life. It turns a heating pad and Pepto into your best friend.

Kaopectate? Kid's stuff. The Bug laughs in its face.

Immodium? Don't waste your money. It's like pouring water onto The Bug.

The one good thing about The Bug is that it lives only about a week. But it's the longest, toughest week of your life.

Bet on it.

Sunday, April 8, 2007

OhhhhKaaaaaay ...

If your mother is 111 years old, is it ever a big shocker when she dies?

Oldest person in Tennessee dies

Marion Stout, the state’s eldest person and a Knoxville resident, passed away Saturday afternoon.
Eleanor Barker, Stout’s middle daughter, confirmed that her mother died at 4:45 p.m. Saturday at Shannondale Health Center in Maryville.
Stout was 111 years old. Barker was with her mother on Saturday.
"No, this was not unexpected," said Barker, 83, of Knoxville.

Heck, if you're 83, is it really unexpected if YOU die?

White rabbits ... and KISS

The Girl has proclaimed her passion for white chocolate.

Whatever. More of the good stuff for me.

She said weeks ago that she wanted a white chocolate bunny for Easter. Do you know how hard it is to find a white chocolate bunny? Most of them either are "milk flavored" (pass the puke pan, please) or stuffed with peanut butter. The latter sounds like a winner to me, but no go for The Girl, who is a white chocolate purist.

Finally -- FINALLY! -- on Friday, I found it. At Wal-Mart, The Evil Empire (and the closest of any empires to my home). There were two left -- one was broken, the other teetering on its base. I opted for the latter, and paid for the cheap thing.

Yeah, I said cheap. I love a bargain -- except when it comes to chocolate. I'm a chocolate snob. If it's inexpensive, it's most likely lousy chocolate. Experience plays on my side in this.

As Easter morning dawned cold as Christmas and clear, The Girl discovered her Easter basket on the kitchen table. She loved the Little Miss Sunshine DVD, was ecstatic over the black bunny I managed to snag -- and was over the moon giddy about her white chocolate bunny.

Whatever. Pass the Cadbury's, please. And they'd better be milk chocolate.

* * *
When it came to getting rid of Easter eggs -- the real, hard boiled ones, that is -- God said, "Let there be deviled eggs!" (God would never say "stuffed eggs," regardless of what the religious right would have you believe.)

And it came to pass, and they were good.

Then Man (and Woman) started "improving" them.

Like all things Divine, humans have messed up deviled eggs. The simplest culinary concoction there is, and humans have to "perfect" them.

Deviled eggs, in their purest form, are perfect. Like my mother and grandmother, I don't measure anything when it comes to making them, but here's the rough idea:

Desired quantity of hard-boiled eggs
Mustard, to taste
Mayo, to taste
salt, to taste
Paprika

Slice eggs vertically, then scoop out yolks. Smash yolks, adding desired amounts of mustard, mayo and salt. (I go light-handed on the mustard.) Put mashed-up concoction into a Ziploc bag, and snip off one of the corners of the bag. (Cook's note: It's less messy if you snip off a corner where the concoction doesn't lay.) Squirt concoction through snipped corner into hollow egg whites, filling to top. After filled, sprinkle eggs with paprika. Refrigerate, and consume at will.

Now, how hard is that?

I love shrimp, pickle relish, onions, vinegar and other flavorings, but they have no business in deviled eggs. Save the relish and onions for a hot dog, use the vinegar for one of the many reasons God intended, and grill the shrimp on the Barby. Just KISS.

***
Have a blessed Easter, everyone!

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

You'll shoot your eye out, kid

I don't know if I can ever forgive Robert Clark for forcing Rhinestone on the world.

The only redeeming value to it was that it starred that other East Tennessee gal, Dolly Parton. I remember watching it at the drive-in and thinking, "What the hell does Sly Stallone think he's doing up there? He can't sing. Heck, he can't really act!"

Pitiful, it was.

I can forgive Clark that one transgression. The man directed "Porky's," after all. Sophomoric though it was, it gave me more than one giggle as I watched it in my youth.

(Why do I all of a sudden want to call a bar and ask for Mike Hunt, a la Bart Simpson? I can hear Moe asking, "Mike Hunt? Is Mike Hunt here? I have a call for Mike Hunt." I'll be damned if I didn't laugh outloud while typing that. See? "Porky's" was good for something.)

But Clark's masterpiece was the holiday classic, "A Christmas Story." Little Ralphie and his Red Ryder are as much a part of Christmas as Santa Claus. I can't even pick my favorite part of that movie ...
  • The Chinese waiters singing "Fa-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra."
  • "Oh, fuuuuuuuuuuddgeeeeeee ..."
  • "It's a major award!"
  • "You broke it on purpose!"
  • "It was (gasp!) soap poisoning."
  • The Bumpuses' dogs (all 17 of 'em) sneaking into the house to scarf down the turkey while Darren McGavin hunches behind his newspaper.
  • Mrs. Schwartz, though we never see her, screaming, "What!?! What!?!" and pulverizing her son because she thinks he taught Ralphie to use the F-bomb.
  • And, of course, "You'll shoot your eye out!"
In this house (and many across America) the 24-hour broadcast of "A Christmas Story" is a holiday tradition. I feel my mood shift to blue when I watch the credits roll for the last time, because it means, essentially, that Christmas is over.

Robert Clark, that brilliant mastermind whose direction brought Ralphie to life, was killed with his son today on an LA highway. http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/Movies/04/04/obit.clark.ap/index.html?eref=rss_showbiz.

The father and son lost their lives in a head-on collision with a drunk driver who, of course, sustained minor injuries. Such a sad and senseless end to a man whose leaves a holiday legacy that gives so many a reason to smile.

Thanks for the laughs, Bob. We'll try hard not to shoot our eyes out.

Imagine, if you will ...

My beautiful, brainy Girl has decided to ditch high school. Her rationale might go something like this:

Mom, there are a lot of things I could do. I could be mayor! Or on city council ... or, if I want it, county mayor someday!

Thanks to those idiots we refer to in nice company as the Tennessee General Assembly, she and other youngsters across the Volunteer State could make such a valid claim. Because those esteemed solons -- the same ones who think some of us love our pets too much -- rejected a bill requiring elected officials to have a high school diploma.

Bill on officials education is killed

Dumbasses. Truly dumbasses.

... critics said the proposed law would undermine voters' rights to choose among a variety of candidates and that education does not necessarily assure quality.
"This is punishing individuals who may not, for whatever reason, have the educational level that someone thinks they ought to have," said Rep. Gary Moore, D-Nashville. "A person's education level, in my opinion, doesn't really hinder the ability to serve."

These legislators have proven time and time again how unimportant education is to them. What the hell is wrong with requiring a high school or GED? I remember one commissioner in my county who couldn't read. Do we really want someone in running or city or county who is unable to read -- let alone understand -- the matters before him?

Further, is this the message we're anxious to send young people? Hey, education is overrated -- you, too, can lead your county! But not on school board or as sheriff. Because:
Under current state law, there are no educational requirements for any officeholders except sheriffs and school board members, who must show they have a high school diploma or a general equivalency diploma.

So, it's OK for the men and women who are setting my tax rate not to have a high school diploma, but the sheriff better have one.

We had a sheriff in my hometown who I know didn't finish high school, yet he solved a murder. They had the accused but lacked the dead bodies. This guy found them. How?

He drove all over the county and watched the skies, looking for buzzard action.

Given my choice, I'll take an educated county mayor over an educated sheriff any day.

Sunday, April 1, 2007

New month, new me

I have decided to give up coffee.

Living life decaffeinated is something I've done before. I tossed out a pot of coffee the morning I found out I was pregnant. I have given up caffeine from time to time in the past for my health. Of course, I abandoned those efforts when my health didn't improve and decided that I only go around once on the merry-go-round of life.

I've also decided that I'm supporting Fred Thompson for president. He's from Tennessee, after all, and heck, I like him on "Law and Order."

And this will probably be the last you see of me for a while, because I've decided I spend too much time on the computer. My housework is suffering. There's entirely too much of a good thing, and I think I've found my limit. Plus, it's mowing season, and I really need to spend time out on the lawn.

I'll miss all of you, but I'll check in from time to time. I love you, and I'll be thinking of you often. And one more thing ...





APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!! :D

Come on ... did you really think I'd give up coffee or the computer? And Fred Thompson?!? Insert whoop of laughter here. Yeah, like I'm going to vote Republican! Insert snort here. I do like Fred -- on "Law and Order," and I hope he keeps his day job. No foolin'.