It's here!

The cover for the new Harry Potter! WooooHooooo!

Am I imagining it, or does Harry look a bit like Daniel Radcliffe?

Speechless

The religious right has a problem with calling deviled eggs by their rightful name? Gimme a break!

the-devils-in-the-details

I would also be remiss if I didn't mention the umbrage that accompanied some e-mails and letters over the satanic moniker. While we assume that's it's a playful reference to the spices, some readers prefer the more church-friendly name of stuffed eggs or dressed eggs.

I've tried every way in the world to PC my reaction, but only one word fits:
Bullshit.

Insert eyeroll here.

Wonder what they call devil's food cake? Deviled ham?

My newest hero

I'll be watching for Jonathan Alter's byline from now on. He has won my respect.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17821116/site/newsweek/?from=rss

I wouldn't dare judge this couple during this emotional time in their lives. I thank God everyday that cancer is not among the demons that have afflicted my immediate family. But with other demons afloat, I can tell you that normalcy is the one thing you long for when the world is upside down.

Politics and campaigning equal normalcy to the Edwardses. My best friend lost her mother to cancer as she was entering college. She took a year's break from her studies to care for her until the end. (Which was nearer than she thought.)

Another friend recently lost a father to cancer. She worked through until the last week. What else was she going to do? Her thoughts and heart were with her dad every second, but steadily working gave her the comfort "normalcy" offers. (And allowed her to pay the bills. Bill collectors don't care if your father is dying of cancer. They don't care about anything. They're not human, but that's a topic for another day.)

I do not cast my lot with Alter because I support Edwards in this upcoming presidential race. I found out yesterday while listening to NPR that cancer has been found in the liver of Tony Snow, press secretary to the worst president in U.S. history. I gasped, and immediately offered up a prayer for Snow and his family.

Cancer is devastating. I never want that personal experience.

I commend every syllable Alter writes in this piece. The ending, however, is something we should all take to heart:

No one can say how you-or anyone else-will react until actually faced with a devastating diagnosis. In my case-and Tony Snow's, Laura Ingraham's, Jay Monahan's (the late husband of Katie Couric) Elizabeth Edward's and hundreds of thousands of others-the choice was to try to hold onto as much of our old life as humanly possible. Don't judge that.

Some things just weren't meant to be

Like this:

Wine-flavored ice-cream-for adults only/

My stomach is churning at the mere thought of it.

Then, there's this:

Pungent pulp: Panda poop perfect for paper

I'm all for recycling, but UGH! Read on:

The base is in talks with several paper mills on how to turn the droppings of Jing Jing, Ke Bi, Ya Ya and dozens of other pandas at the base into reams of office paper and rolls of wrapping paper, Liao said.

• Why, yes, Mr. Insert-Boss'-name-here, I did think your latest memo was a piece of shit.
• What kind of shit did you wrap this gift in?

And there's more:

The Chiang Mai Zoo in northern Thailand already sells multicolored paper made from the excrement produced by its two resident pandas. Making paper there involves a daylong process of cleaning the feces, boiling it in a soda solution, bleaching it with chlorine and drying it under the sun.

What shades of multi-colors? Beige, brown, tan, yellow and, for the really environmentally conscious, green.

Why should we limit this to pandas? I have a dog -- and he's Chinese. Maybe I could make a killing off Pekingese poop!

I'm taking orders now. Be sure to indicate the amount of paper and color desired. Refer to the above for available shades. Just for taking advantage of this one-time offer, I'll throw in some oceanfront property in Montana and a set of Ginzu knifes, absolutely free!

No CODs, please.

(Advisory: The preceding was an attempt at sarcasm. Any similarities to an actual advertisement for feces paper is intentional with tongue firmly planted in cheek and clothespin tightly clamped to nose.)

Where is the love?

For Justin Timberlake, it's not in the Tennessee General Assembly.

Republicans put brakes on plan to honor Timberlake

I'm no Justin fan, but I can't deny he's at top form in his genre. It's not like they're applauding his part in The Great Superbowl Wardrobe Malfunction -- they're simply saying, "Hey, Justin: Good work on the pop front. See ya!"

On the other hand, get a load of Ophelia Ford's resolution. I picture the walls of her office and bedroom plastered with pinups of Justin from butchered copies of Tiger Beat and Bop. Can we say, "Oh Juuuuuuuuustinnnnn!" Insert high-pitched scream here.

Complete text of the state Senate resolution to honor Justin Timberlake

Do it, then I'll consider your words

The editor of one of our state's major papers has decided he's an expert at firefighting.

McElroy: This smoke should be investigated

I'm no expert, either, but after living with a firefighter for more than a decade, I think its safe to say that I have a bit more insight than Mr. McElroy. I wonder what makes him think the issue is NOT under investigation? Just because the fire department is not showing him all its cards doesn't mean it's not playing the game.

Yes, mistakes were made. Those men have probably chastised themselves time and again for those mistakes. It's easy to sit here, one month later, and rationalize over the should haves and could haves, but the simple fact is that we -- McElroy and I -- were not there in the heat of the moment, when critical decisions must be made.

Further, according to McElroy:

The fire, thought to be controlled after gutting two warehouses, burst into flames again hours after the first alarm, destroying a third downtown building.

Reigniting hot spots are not uncommon in any fire -- be it a simple practice of leaf burning or a major catastrophe, such as the McClung blaze. Frankly, I would have been surprised if there hadn't been any reigniting. Many times, firefighters babysit a scene for hours to watch for any signs of rekindling. Anyone who monitors a police scanner -- which, I'm assuming, the News Sentinel does -- is aware of that.

These firefighters have no harsher critics than themselves. It would serve this editor well to acknowledge his lack of expertise in firefighting and put his attention back into the newsroom.

Sunday musings

I like quiet Sundays like this one. They give me a chance to sit back and reflect.

My Girl is growing up way too fast. She issued me one of my toughest periods of motherhood yet last week. I long for her to be small again so I can cradle her in my arms and protect her from the world, yet I'm anxious to see the woman she'll become.

She's such a study in contrasts, that Girl of mine. She flirts with the "emoness" of her generation while setting her sights on Oxford. She's confident in her unique sense of style, yet longs to fit in. She's an interesting blend of her father and me who maintains individuality.

In the midst of giving me about 500 new grey hairs this week, she gave me one of the greatest gifts ever. She asked me to check out her "new and improved" MySpace. I admired her new name, choice of music and told her, to her chagrin, that I agree with her father about her background and that maybe she'd like to choose a new one.

And then I saw it -- in the "heroes" category, first on the list, is "my mom."

My eyes filled with tears. "Really?!?"

She showed me that smile -- the one that extends all the way to her eyes. "I can't believe you didn't know," she said. "You're so strong in the way you handle things."

She's my miracle -- my life's true joy.

Where do I sign up?

Can anyone out there in cyberspace tell me how I can apply for a position with the Center for Science in the Public Interest?

For those unfamiliar, this posturing organization has taken us to task for at least a decade over the foods we eat. That's OK -- I know I put empty calories and nutritionally lacking food in my mouth daily.

What I don't get is their reports. The contents of said reports are presented as if they are earth-shattering information. They are earth shattering only if you're a buffoon.

(Aside to buffoons: The preceding remark was not meant as a slam to you.)

I wrote a newspaper column several years ago about one of their reports: breakfast foods are bad for you. Now tell me, who doesn't know that?

They're at it again. Note the following headline:

Chinese restaurant food draws criticism

Does it have bugs in it? No. They really use cats in their General Tso's? Nada. My ex was really correct when he dubbed skewered teriyaki chicken "rat on a schtick"? Not even close.

The revelation, and I quote the AP article's lede, in part:

The typical Chinese restaurant menu is a sea of
nutritional no-nos

I think my eyes rolled into the next county. No shit, Sherlock! It's bad for you? Who knew?!?

Bonnie Liebman, the consumer group's nutritional director, has uncovered that Chinese food is laden with -- are you ready for this? -- SODIUM!

What rock has Bonnie been living under? EVERYBODY knows the stuff has a ton of sodium! My 13-year-old knows it. My Pekingese knows it, and not because he's Chinese.

How the hell could you NOT know?

Bonnie the Dietary Goddess acknowledges that Chinese restaurants have many veggie offerings, but that's not necessarily a good thing because -- I know you've been on the edge of your seat -- they're loaded with calories and sodium, too!

Per AP:

"We were shocked. We assumed the vegetables were all
low in calories," Liebman said.

(Note to Bonnie: You need to use some of the money from your next CSPI paycheck to buy a clue.)

I'm not sure what's worse: A consumer group that's obviously filled with crackpot "experts" or media groups such as the Associated Press for giving them attention.

There go those rolling eyes, again. Maybe somebody in Cumberland County can catch them for me?

This is *so* cool!

Mood music! :)

http://www.musicovery.com/index.php?ct=us

I salute Scott Fahlman

Who's Scott Fahlman? You may not recognize his name, but anyone who is the least bit Internet savvy knows his symbol is more popular than the one Prince tried on several years ago.

Still don't know who he is? Let me give you a hint:

:)

Fahlman is the guy who suggested combining the colon with a closing parenthesis to create the smiley emoticon popularly used by all us Web geeks today. LOL takes a back seat to :), an easy ending to a statement to show the mood of the author.

Smiley's brother ;) is also popular, but it's Smiley himself who marks a landmark anniversary this week.

After all, the phenomenon is about to turn 25--a dinosaur
in Web years. The origin of the ASCII smiley face is typically traced to September 1982, when Scott
Fahlman, a research professor at Carnegie Mellon University's Department of
Computer Science, suggested that the :-) symbol be used in
the subject line of an online bulletin board post to denote a humorous or
non-serious topic.
"Nobody ever guessed that this would catch on. I certainly
didn't," said Fahlman, who is still on the faculty at Carnegie Mellon. But as he
recounted, the trend spread, initially to other Internet-pioneering universities
like Stanford University and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and then
beyond.
"As the Internet grew, it escaped this little closed community of
computer scientists and made it into first other universities, a much larger
group, and then out into the general public," Fahlman said. "It's been
interesting to see (smiley faces) trickle from place to place, and now it's
showing up in postings from Russia and China and all over the world. It's been
fun to watch that."
Essentially, the emoticon proliferated along with the
Internet itself.
"For people who first get into it, it's like they know the
password to the secret club," Fahlman said. But now that emoticons have spread
into every niche of Net culture and morphed into myriad (arguably irritating)
spinoffs, that sense of exclusivity has lost some of its luster. "It's kind of
pathetic when the 'in group' is sort of half the world," Fahlman observed. "But
originally, people were using these because it was some cool thing and it showed
that you were a real expert user of the Internet, that you knew the secret
language."

The Web smiley's motto: Grin and bear it CNET:

To Scott Fahlman, I salute you -- and I resist using those dopey cartoonish icons.

:)

Can you believe it?

Key players in the Anna Nicole saga have finally -- FINALLY -- decided it's best to STFU.

Smith's ex in 'happy mood' after hearing

By JESSICA ROBERTSON, Associated Press
Writer
Sat Mar 17, 12:16 AM ET
A former boyfriend of
Anna Nicole Smith who claims to be the father of her daughter expressed optimism
following a court hearing Friday. But both he and the late model's mother, who
is also seeking custody of the girl, refused to discuss the case.
Larry
Birkhead, a California-based photographer seeking custody of Smith's baby girl,
Dannielynn, said he was "in a happy mood" after the hearing but others were not
as pleased with developments inside the courtroom.
"There were different
moods for different people. I'm in a happy mood but I can't speak for anyone
else," Birkhead said.
Virgie Arthur, mother of the 39-year-old reality TV
star and former Playboy Playmate, and her attorneys left the Superior Court
building without speaking. She wants to take the girl from Smith's live-in
companion, Howard K. Stern, arguing she could provide a more stable
home.
Stern, who is listed as Dannielynn's father on the Bahamian birth
certificate, did not attend the hearing.
The court clerk's office closed near
the hearing's end and nobody was available to answer questions about the
proceedings in the three-way custody dispute.
The fight for custody of the
infant, who could potentially inherit millions of dollars from her late mother's
estate, began after Smith, 39, died of unknown causes Feb. 8 in
Florida.
Meanwhile, a hearing on an ownership dispute concerning the house
where Smith lived in the Bahamas was adjourned until April, according to an
attorney for South Carolina developer G. Ben Thompson.
Thompson, who briefly
dated Smith, says he advanced her money for the $900,000 house but she did not
honor an agreement to repay the debt. Smith, who lived there with Stern in the
months before her death, claimed the house was a gift.
Stern, has remained at
the gated house known as "Horizons" with Smith's daughter.

It embarrasses me to confess my fascination with the Anna Nicole saga. Like most "celebrities," her 15 minutes of fame were up years ago. But, hey, it's better than reading about Mangelina Whorlie and her kid collection, Paris Hilton's sex tapes, anything Jessica Simpson (WTH was Nick Lachey thinking? I gave John Mayer more credit than this, too), and minute-by-minute reports on Britney's baldness and rehab. (Leave the girl alone already!)

I think Howard loved Anna, and part of that love was enabling her. It's not pleasant, but he's not the first enabler in the name of love. Heck, my own grandmother did it. This purely Southern Baptist liquor-and-drugs-are-the-root-of-all-evil lady would mortgage her house to get her drunken and drug-addled son out of the slammer. Discussions about him were the only times I ever heard my grandparents argue. (Grandpa felt, rightly so, that he should be left to cool his heels for a while. Grandma didn't want Her Baby amongst the "hardened criminals." Grandpa always gave in.)

I'm rooting for Howard Marshall to be little Dannielynn's dad. But I'm almost positive it's Larry Birkhead. Anyone have photos of him prior to his rhinoplasty? He looks a bit like my Pekingese now.

And Virgie -- go home! Anna didn't like you, and neither do I.

Oh, God -- SHUT UP!

Am I the only homo sapien on the planet who is sick to death of seeing, hearing and/or reading about Angelina Whorlie and her escapades?

Am I the only one who thinks she should start collecting stamps, thimbles, salt and pepper shakers -- ANYTHING but children?!?

Damn. Who'd have ever thunk that Billy Bob would turn out to be the sane one?