The Evil Empire, indeed

Wal-Mart is Satan.

The mom in this situation is a helluva lot nicer than me. I would have kicked the security guard's balls up to his ears. Soprano would have been a few octaves too low for his voice after I finished.

Gotta love The Consumerist's tag on it, though I think "douche bag" is a bit too gentle.

Brilliant ... just brilliant

I long for the day when I can come to this blog and say, with no sarcasm whatsoever, "Look! Our state legislature has done a wonderful thing! Kudos!"

But, alas, I cannot. This is not Camelot, and they are ... well, who they are.

This latest effort goes into effect tomorrow. To wit:

Everyone shows ID for beer in Tenn.

By LUCAS L. JOHNSON II, Associated Press Writer 1 hour, 18 minutes ago

NASHVILLE, Tenn. - Comer Wilson hasn't had to show his ID to buy beer in a while. Maybe it's the 66-year-old man's long white beard.

Starting Sunday, gray hair won't be good enough. Wilson and everyone else will be required to show identification before buying beer in Tennessee stores — no matter how old the buyer appears.

"It's the stupidest law I ever heard of," Wilson said. "You can see I'm over 21."

Tennessee is the first state to make universal carding mandatory, says the National Alcohol Beverage Control Association. However, the law does not apply to beer sales in bars and restaurants, and it does not cover wine and liquor.

Supporters say it keeps grocery store and convenience store clerks from having to guess a customer's age. Democratic Gov. Phil Bredesen said it's a good way to address the problems of underage drinking. And the 63-year-old governor said he personally won't mind the extra effort to buy beer.

"I'll be very pleased when I'm carded, and in my mind I'll just imagine it's because I look so young," he said.

Rich Foge, executive director of the Tennessee Malt Beverage Association, said he expects there might be some initial resistance from the beer-buying public.

"But once people live with it for a month or two, it's going to go fine," he said. "It gets routine after a while."

Jarron Springer, president of the Tennessee Grocers and Convenience Store Association, said he understands the law "may seem a little odd" to people who are obviously older than 21, but he said it's necessary to make sure no one slips through the cracks.

"If we're going to hold clerks accountable for their actions, then there's no room for discretion," Springer said. "It's either all or nothing."

The blanket requirement makes it easier for stores to comply, said Steve Schmidt, spokesman for the National Alcohol Beverage Control Association

"There's no need to judge whether someone looks 21, 25 or 30," he said. "It's a set, consistent standard across the entire state."

Richard Rollins, who owns a convenience store in Nashville, is already using a computerized scanner to check everyone's driver's licenses when they buy beer.

"We just say we're trying to keep our beer permit, and this is the safest way," Rollins said.

But it has stopped Jeff Campbell from shopping at Rollins' market.

"I don't mind them asking for my ID, but they don't need my driver's license number," said Campbell, 43. "I'm just buying a six-pack. All they need to know is how old I am."

Rollins said scanning licenses has proved beneficial in other ways, such as catching criminals. When one customer tried to make a purchase using a counterfeit bill, Rollins said police were able to track him down because the receipt from the scanner showed his name and license number — and his address.

The new law, which expires after a year unless the Legislature decides to renew it, also creates a voluntary training program for vendors and their employees.

Participating businesses would face lower fines if found guilty of selling beer to a minor, and their beer permits cannot be revoked on a first offense. However, they face fines of up to $1,000 for each underage sale and they lose their status if they commit two violations in a 12-month period.

Another violation could mean suspension or revocation of a license, and fine of up to $2,500.

Noncertified vendors can face those penalties on a first offense.

Marylee Booth, executive director of the Tennessee Oil Marketers Association, which represents gas stations and convenience stores, said the intention is not to hurt vendors, but to help them protect minors.

"We're doing everything we can to keep minors from buying beer," Booth said. "This is just one more tool we want to try."
___
Associated Press writer Erik Schelzig contributed to this report.

My question is, what's wrong with the cashier carding if she is unsure? It's been more than a few years ago since I worked in a convenience store, but that's exactly how I did it. A few would resist, but they'd haul out their IDs when they saw that the transaction wouldn't be completed unless they showed me proof of their date of birth.

Obviously, these men and women are out of touch with reality if they think this one little law will curb underage drinking. Most of these kids have a older-than-21 friend who is more than happy to make the buy.

To me, it appears some high-positioned lobbyists have courted our solons to ensure that their clients don't have to shoulder a bit of responsibility and common sense. And it worked.

Way to go, Tennessee representatives and senate! Insert dripping sarcasm here.

The Evil Empire

Eternal damnation is not a fiery pit run by a horned, pitchfork-toting dude with a forked tail. It's a mega-store with Sam Walton's portrait on display. And Wal-Mart is thy name.

Walton, rest his soul, was most likely looking to be a successful businessman (and becoming a billionaire in the process didn't hurt) when he started what has grown into hell on Earth. He is not to blame.

Rather, it is the demonic beings who guide their shopping carts along the merchandise-riddled aisles that make Wal-Mart less than holy.

I offer two examples:

-- Last night, The Girl and I were perusing the offerings in our area Wal-Mart when a demon pushed one of the shopping carts past my daughter. I could almost hear the whoosh from the cart's jet engines as she zoomed past, yelling over her shoulder: "Excuse me, honey, I'm going around you."

Keep in mind that this demon was already around us and ahead of us when she screeched out her advisory.

What was her destination? The cat food aisle.

That must have been one hungry kitty, considering the way she was careening through the store.

-- The second example, also last night, included another woman and her myriad of children.

(Note: Is Wal-Mart a form of recreation for some of these families? Every time I'm in there, there's about three families of 12 -- the WHOLE family -- shopping. Can no one stay at home and mind the dog? Would it kill Dad to watch the kids while Mom goes into town for supplies? Or vice versa? Where do you put your purchases in the vehicle when a dozen warm bodies are littering it? And they always have purchases -- big ones. I have yet to see a U-Haul trailer in the parking lot, so logic tells me they're sitting on their fish sticks and tubs of Neapolitan ice cream on the ride home. I guess the little ones get stuck holding the bread and eggs. But I digress.)

Back to the woman and her throng of children. I'm in the dairy aisle, and The Girl was looking for something specific when I looked to my rear and saw this demon pushing her cart very rapidly down the aisle, with all the kids holding on to the sides and the front. It was surreal -- almost like a scene from "ER" when they have a critical patient they're rushing in.

"Moooooom! Slow down!" warned one of the imps with a modicum of sense, apparently inherited from the father. "You're going to run over people."

"Well, I'm in a hurry!" the bitch huffed.

"So what?!?" yelled I, my bitch switch now officially switched.

The bitch with all the kids responded by whipping out her cell phone and making a phone call. She continued the conversation as she and her entourage ambled aisle after aisle. (OK, I kept up with her, I admit it. Call me bitchy but, you know, she flipped the switch.)

I would avoid Wal-Mart if I could -- believe me, I would. Unfortunately, it's the closest store to my home. Equally unfortunately, it would be fiscally irresponsible of me not to shop there in my sorry financial shape.

So I guess I'll suck it up and keep reading Behind the Counter. It gives me a twisted sense of consolation to know that my opinions are shared by someone else in the store.