Another weekend with Harry

After spending last weekend learning about Harry Potter's fate, The Girl and I stepped out yesterday to see Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

We were not alone. Apparently, a number of East Tennesseans cloistered themselves last weekend with Deathly Hallows before checking out Harry on the Big Screen.

The Girl and I had both heard reviews among our friends about how disappointed they were. I'm glad to report that our experience was the extreme opposite. Order of the Phoenix is probably my least favorite book of the series, but the movie, I was delighted to note, probably is the most true to the book. In that regard, I think Phoenix is probably my favorite movie.

Notable differences:

-- Hermione introduces our boys to Luna Lovegood. In the book, it's Ginny who has that honor. (Anyone ever notice that Hermione gets these little gimmes in the movies?)

-- Mad-Eye Moody incurs the wrath of Tonks by referring to her as "Nymphadora." Lupin uttered her hated given name in the book. Lupin's absence at 4 Privet Drive is also conspicuous.

-- No mention of the kinship between Tonks, Sirius, the Malfoys and Bellatrix was given.

-- In the scene following Arthur Weasley's attack, Dumbledore sends the portraits in his office to their respective places with no mention of who they are or why. (Phineas Black was dispatched to the Order's HQ, while another former headmaster whose name escapes me was sent to St. Mungo's.)

-- No St. Mungo's. I was chomping at the bit to see the inside of that place.

-- Kreacher is afforded a couple of cameos. In the book, Kreacher's role is pivotal.

-- The Swamp. The Weasley twins created it upon their departure from Hogwarts, and the professors let it stand for ages. Flitwick, when he does get around to removing it, retains a corner of it in honor of Fred and George. In the movie, our favorite twins go out with a bang sans swamp. I was much disappointed.

-- Cho Chang is the snitch. (No, not *that* snitch.) I dislike Cho, but she didn't rat out Dumbledore's Army. That dishonor was left to her friend. And speaking of which, I would have LOVED to have seen Hermione's spell of carving SNITCH into the forehead of the one who squealed. The bewitching of the Dumbledore's Army list -- and the coins -- were among Hermione's most clever actions in the series.

-- Weasley is our King. NOT. You're still going to have to sing that ditty in your head, because there is no Quidditch in Phoenix.

-- Where are the prefects? They're Ron and Hermione in the book but nonexistent in the movie.

OK, so there are differences. But I still liked Phoenix. Some pluses:

-- Luna Lovegood. I had my doubts when I saw the actress tapped for this role, but she carried off Luna perfectly. Kudos!

-- Daniel Radcliffe. His acting in the past has fallen short, but Phoenix is his shining moment. He's not going to win the Oscar, but the improvement in his craft is marked.

-- Michael Gambon. His Dumbledore gets better and better. I wonder if Richard Harris could have pulled off the fight in the ministry as well. Kudos to a Dumbledore who kicks ass!

-- Alan Rickman. Nobody, but nobody, could be a better Snape. The man is gold. My only minus is that he is sorely underused. More Snape, please!

-- Helena Bonham Carter. Wow. Bellatrix is pure evil, and Carter leaves no doubt of that.

-- Gwamp. Love him. And Robbie Coltrane as Hagrid is always a delight.

--Umbridge. Bitchiness at its finest. My only disappointment is the actress portraying her is too pretty. A bitch, yes. But toadlike? Hardly.

All done!

As of 4 a.m., I finished all 759 pages of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

It's been a different weekend. I've been away from the computer, except for playing a few games of Word Whomp, because I was terrified I would turn up spoilers.

I won't spoil it for any who haven't read it yet. Some things were unexpected; others I predicted. Reading well-written text is a joy, and Rowling doesn't disappoint.

There. That's it for a while. Have fun reading the book. And if you're not reading it, READ!

You won't be disappointed.

Damn ...

Not that I expected it, but ... damn.

Orlando Bloom Says He Won't Get Naked Onstage

On the other hand, anyone have a cardigan I can borrow?

John Krasinski: I'm Looking for the 'Girl in a Cardigan'

Itchy teeth

... and gag reflex fully at work. From the Knoxville News Sentinel:

Smithers, an inmate trustee, fled from jail sometime after 4:30 p.m. Sunday, according to Monroe County Sheriff’s Detective Jennifer Bledsoe.

Wrong! Smithers is actually an inmate trusty. To wit:

trust·y (trŭs'tē) Pronunciation Key

adj. trust·i·er, trust·i·est

Meriting trust; trustworthy. See Synonyms at reliable.

n. pl. trust·ies

1. A convict regarded as worthy of trust and therefore granted special privileges.
2. A trusted person.

Source: American Heritage Dictionary via Dictionary.com

A trustee, in case anyone was wondering, is:

trus·tee (trŭ-stē') Pronunciation Key
n.

1. Law One, such as a bank, that holds legal title to property in order to administer it for a beneficiary.
2. A member of a board elected or appointed to direct the funds and policy of an institution.
3. A country responsible for supervising a trust territory. See Usage Note at -ee

1. v. trus·teed, trus·tee·ing, trus·tees
v. tr.

To place (property) in the care of a trustee.

v.
intr. To function or serve as a trustee.

Source: American Heritage Dictionary via Dictionary.com

A good rule of thumb that I learned at a workshop has turned out to be one of the best pieces of advice I've heard in regard to writing: Look up any word you haven't used in six months before putting it in your text.

It works. Trust me.

"Succeeding is the most important thing"

The above quote was uttered just minutes ago by Dubya mouthpiece Tony Snow in an interview with Matt Lauer on "Today."

Think about it: Succeeding is the most important thing. (Emphasis mine.)

That's why I could never be in PR. There is no way in good consciousness, no matter how much the White House was paying me, I could stand up on national television and tell people who have lost children, parents, spouses, siblings and other loved ones in this insipid war that succeeding is the most important thing.

Snow, with his blinders snug in place, assured Lauer that troop withdrawal is not an option. Of course it isn't -- his boss and the Veep, better known as Bush's boss -- refuse to acknowledge that they, in simple layman's terms, fucked up. We have no business in Iraq. Saddam was crazy -- there's no doubt about that -- but those WMD and ties to bin Laden? Nonexistent.

(Remember bin Laden, the real bad guy? The asshole who ordered jets flown into American landmarks, killing American people? I remember him -- but I don't think the POTUS does. The Veep doesn't remember, either -- after all, how could Halliburton profit if they go after him?)

Cindy Sheehan has the right idea: Impeach the motherfuckers. It's high time we showed them whose government is -- and whose interest it was put in place to serve.

How to waste time without really trying

Still showing their stupidity ... and wasting money:

When they weren't making laws, lawmakers passed around praise
By JESSICA FENDER
Staff Writer
Tennessee lawmakers sponsored more resolutions than
anything else this legislative session, lauding people like pop star Justin Timberlake and expressing solidarity with a Turkish religious movement, among other endeavors.

A Tennessean review of more than 6,000 records shows that 42 percent of all measures filed were resolutions with no force of law.

And while not all passed — Timberlake didn't, religious freedom in Turkey did — the drafting of such "memorial" resolutions cost about $70,000, by staff estimates.

Most resolutions honored local teachers, soldiers, sports teams, administrators or students for outstanding achievement.

Among them was Hendersonville Christian Academy valedictorian Jamie Wallmark, 17, who earned a
4.125 grade point average.

Being honored on the Senate floor meant a lot, she said, especially because she knows lawmakers are busy.

Resolutions cost time, money But lawmakers' busy agendas are precisely the problem when it comes to penning a deluge of resolutions, said John Summers, a lobbyist and Metro councilman who represents part of west Nashville.

While most are quickly dispatched, they can still "grind business to a halt," said Summers, who said
the Metro Council had a similar problem in the past.

"Clearly there are individuals that deserve recognition," he said. "And clearly there are some
resolutions that are there for political purposes by the sponsor."

About 100 of the 1,699 resolutions filed established study committees, ratified the legislature's rules or made a first step toward amending the state Constitution.

Rep. Tom DuBois, R-Columbia, introduced 167 congratulations, memorials and proposals to rename stretches of highway — the most by far of any legislator.

Potpourri

John Mark Karr has been arrested for battery, apparently stemming from an argument with his girlfriend.

Girlfriend? HELLO?!?

How desperate are you for a man if you think hooking up with this deviant is a good idea? I can hear it now ... "I know he confessed to brutally killing a little girl in Colorado, and he married two teenagers -- one of them 13 -- and he's been arrested for possession of child pornography, and he's been known to have a weird penchant for young girls ... but Daddy, I LOVE HIM!"

Ewwwwwwwww ... I think I need a shower now.

***

I don't give a damn how much John Edwards pays for a haircut, and I don't know why anyone else does.

The man is stinking rich! If he wants to spends $1,250 or more for a coiffure, go for it. It's not like he's taking food out of the mouths of starving babes. And, hey, it beats the hell out of spending more money than either Edwards or I will see in our lifetimes on a war with a country that has nonexistent weapons of mass destruction. Note: The latter is funded with taxpayer money, while Edwards' high-dollar haircuts are not.

It's not how I'd spend my money, but, hey, it's not my money. And he does have good hair. It's better than Rudy or Fred's. Hell, it's better than Hillary's -- and I like Hillary.

***

Congrats to Eva Longoria and Tony Parker. Now go away.

You got married yesterday. So what? Lots of other folks did, too. You're no Charles and Diana -- or Charles and Camilla, for that matter.

Remember, Charles and Diana had "the wedding of the century" and later divorced. My money's on the same fate for you.

***

Does anybody really care that Clay Aiken got into a tussle with a woman on an airplane?

***

Anyone who hears me speak knows I have a Mouth from the South. If you haven't heard me, think Clay Aiken or John Edwards. We have very similar dialects.

Not only does my Mouth from the South carry that lilt, it also, at no warning, will refer to you as "honey," "sweetie" or "dear." In the South, that's as involuntary as breathing. The staff at work from time to time have all been one of the above. Heck, I even STILL call The Ex "honey."

I bet Jan Hicks does and did, too. Unfortunately, the former assistant district attorney was censured by the Board of Professional Responsibility for referring to a judge as "honey."

I'm unfamiliar with Hicks both personally and by reputation, but I sympathize with her. I know such terms of endearment could be perceived badly in a courtroom setting. But come on! This isn't "Law and Order." It's the South -- it's Tennessee.

And honey, it's just the way we talk.

At peace

July 5 has come and gone, and Tommy didn't visit.

I can draw only one conclusion: He's at peace.

Tommy was my cousin -- rather, he was my mother's cousin. Their mothers were sisters. Tommy, however, was closer in age to me.

From the moment he grew tall enough to reach a gas pedal, Tommy was a frequent visitor to our house. Mom served as something of a surrogate parent to him. He sought her advice while reserving the right to take it.

Two of those times he went against her stick out in my mind. He had barely turned 18 when he decided to join the Army. One week at Fort Jackson, however, quickly made him how sage Mom's advice had been. He called and wrote letters, begging Mom to find him a ticket out.

Of course, she did. She and others worked to prove how Tommy was the only help his elderly mother had. His mother doesn't drive, and to this day she lives a sad existence in a little house in my hometown. Tommy, who had become quite adept behind the wheel, promised to help out his mom any way he could.

He was as good as his word after the Army granted his hardship discharge. Not wanting to completely bail on Uncle Sam, he chose to stay in the National Guard and cherished those weekends once a month and the yearly training that were part of his commitment.

Which brings us to another incident when Tommy chose to shrug off Mom's sage advice. One day, he was accompanied on his visit by a shy, brunette girl. That girl, he declared, was the one he planned to marry.

His betrothed was a sweetie, but Mom knew that a marriage at their ages would be doomed. Tommy, however, would not be denied his brown-eyed beauty, and they exchanged vows a short time later.

In mere months, Mom's prediction came true. Tommy was shattered. He vowed to win back his bride and, to her credit, she tried. She was often with him when he visited, but never were they to live under the same roof again as husband and wife.

On July 5, 1979, I was with Mom and my sister en route to my grandmother's when a radio broadcast was interrupted. There was a horrific auto accident south of town. A car was involved in a head-on collision with a coal truck. No names were available but, in a rare move for the veteran newscaster, he reported that both occupants of the car were dead.

We barely got in Grandma's door when the phone rang. It was Tommy's mother, and what she was saying was impossible. Tommy -- her baby boy, the closest thing Mom ever had to a son and the cousin my sister and I looked to as an older brother of sorts -- was dead.

He was only 21 years old.

A friend driving a powder-blue Ford Maverick had stopped by to pick Tommy up early in the morning. They were planning to go south of town to look for ginseng -- "sang diggin'," as my grandmother called it -- in an attempt to make some big bucks from herbalists who view the root as gold. Back en route to town, the friend decided to pass a slow-moving car in front of them. Unfortunately, he was on a curve, and he and Tommy likely only saw the coal truck that hit them only seconds before their lives ended.

It was my first closed-coffin funeral. A portrait of Tommy in his National Guard dress uniform sat on the coffin. That was, I think, the reason I couldn't accept that Tommy was gone.

I didn't sleep for days. I looked for Tommy to come in, roll his eyes and tell us how silly the authorities were to believe it was him in that car.

I held on to that fantasy as Mom helped his mother sort through the legal tangles of his estate -- left messy because of his tender age and the fact that he left a widow who was legally his wife but hadn't lived with him for almost a year. I looked for Tommy every time a car pulled into our drive.

It never was him.

Then, as July 5, 1980, dawned, a strange thing happened. Tommy made his presence known that day. I can't remember exactly how, but I knew he was with me that day.

It happened again and again -- each time on July 5. The most memorable is July 5, 1984. I had been expecting Tommy all day, but he so far was a no-show. Maybe it was because I was in Florida with friends, I thought.

I was padding along a deserted beach on the Gulf after dark when I began hearing footsteps echo with my own. I stopped many times and looked for someone behind me, only to find a beach vacant except for my presence.

Then it dawned on me: Today is July 5. I smiled, flush with peace. I knew who was with me. We walked along that beach -- Tommy and me -- for several minutes before one of my friends showed up. I was disappointed -- for Tommy, three was a crowd.

I received a few more annual visits from Tommy. Then, on July 5, 1989, they abruptly stopped.

That has left me bittersweet. After pondering on it for a while, I came to the conclusion that Tommy had made it to the other side and found the peace that for some reason had eluded him. I've often wondered if it was because Tommy was taken so young -- that he had been denied the life that was in front of him, so he came back once a year to claim just a scrap of it. I'll always be grateful that it was me he chose to share those moments with.

I'm thankful he's at peace, but I miss him. On July 5, and every day.

He didn't visit this year. And though I know in my heart he won't next year, I'll still be looking.

My home and heart are open any time he decides to drop by.

I'm in love!

With my new grill.

I spent a good part of my holiday putting it together. And it works! Without explosions! Yay me!

So, naturally, we used it to prepare dinner on last night. It was just hot dogs (The Girl's choice), but they were spectacular!

Afterward, we lounged outside with King o' the Pekes. He developed an affinity for ice; it was hilarious giving it to him, then watching him treat it like -- well, a doggie treat.

We bought a few fireworks. (Unfortunately, they were out of my favorites -- sparklers.) We had a grand display in our little corner of the world -- the neighbors did their fireworks at the same time. One of them spared no expense, so we got to see some of the huge splashes of light from our front lawn.

It was one of the best Fourths I remember in a long time. Good food, good company, and the weather couldn't have been more cooperative. I hope your holiday was just as great.

On a side note: The Girl has a boyfriend. Hold me.

Why am I not surprised?

To quote Gilbert Gottfried, in Iago mode: "That's incredible ... I think I'm going to have a heart attack and die from that surprise."

Insert eyeroll here.

Legislature leans to the mundane
Session is noted more for tweaks than overhauls
By JESSICA FENDER Staff Writer
Tennessee lawmakers spent about a third of their efforts this lengthy legislative session rewriting city charters, changing the way plumbers are licensed and mulling
other similarly narrowly focused rule changes, records show.

The volume of approved housekeeping bills overshadowed the number of successful education, crime and transportation proposals combined, according to a Tennessean analysis of more than 6,000 pieces of legislation filed this session.

Lawmakers say they have a responsibility to oversee every facet of the state — no matter how small — and constituents often directly request the seemingly minor tweaks to government rules.

Political analysts of the academic and armchair varieties alike say the 23-week legislative session, which cost the state $2.3 million, yielded few major initiatives outside of a 42-cent cigarette tax increase that took effect Sunday.

And some voters worry that lawmakers tinkered with local governments, licensing boards, public employee benefits and the like at the expense of bigger-picture issues.

Gallatin headhunter Frank Greggs, 66, wanted officials to focus more attention on immigration and open government reform.

There "are local issues that are dear to my heart, but I go to city hall for that," Greggs
said. "The big thing for me is that the legislature do what's good for the masses."

Crime was a top issue. About 12 percent of successful bills addressed crime, including some touching on illegal immigration. Nine percent addressed transportation issues, and an additional 8 percent focused on education.

That's compared with 30 percent dealing with the way government governs.

The newspaper analyzed data provided by Brentwood-based M. Lee Smith Publishers, which operates a commercial subscription service that tracks
legislation.

It's no surprise that rule changes ate up such a large chunk of the legislature's efforts, said John Vile, chairman of the political science department at Middle Tennessee State University.

Many states, Tennessee included, put constitutional restrictions on local governments, which mean even small changes to city and county operations need approval.

"It seems inefficient to me," Vile said.

Impact can still be big. Not all of the rule tweaks that passed this year have a limited scope. One would allow the Tennessee Highway Patrol to enforce immigration laws statewide, for example.

But the bulk do things like boost the daily pay of supervisors of soil districts (from $15 to $30), add a public safety official to the board overseeing state employees' retirement and regulate helicopter rides in Pigeon Forge.

Those are also the type of bills that are easier to pass than those addressing the
issues at the top of voters' priority lists; they steer clear of ideological quagmires in most cases, said Brenda Erickson, research analyst with the Denver-based National Conference of State Legislatures.

"Changing education funding is very complicated, very controversial," Erickson said. "Changing the way barbers are governed is a little less complicated."

Just because these "protocol" bills seem mundane, doesn't mean they are "frivolous" or have little effect on the average voter, said Sen. Thelma Harper.

The Nashville Democrat leads the Senate committee that hears these proposals, and she is a prolific filer of them herself.

Voters need to know that their public servants are being treated fairly and that the boards licensing beauticians, dialysis clinics and veterinarians are reputable, she said.

Ultimately, that duty rests with the state. Voters probably don't see the impact of the protocol bills "until something goes wrong," Harper said. "Then they say, 'That's your job. Why didn't you know? Why didn't you do your job?' "

Source: The Tennessean, www.tennessean.com

Getting old sucks

Three weeks ago: While detailing my car, I threw out my back. It was impossible to find a comfortable sitting position. After weeks of drugs, it's finally better. Mostly.

Monday: To keep from getting a citation for an unkempt lawn, I decided after work to toil on cutting the grass. I hauled out the mower from the storage building, started to gas it up, and a bumblebee, or something that looked like one, decided my task pissed him off. Bad. He came attacking -- a sting to the right hand, another to the right elbow and a third to the left thigh. The result? A swollen, FAT hand that I had to keep on ice for 24 hours. Damned bee. I hope he's dead.

Tuesday: I was strolling through a bookstore with The Girl and a friend, when my leg started hurting. Sharp pain. Nothing unusual; I have a bum knee, and it often throbs with pain. Only, about 10 minutes into the pain, I realized it's not my knee! It's my shin, and it hurts like a mofo. (Am I the only one who freaks out and thinks "blood clot" when I get weird pains? I think that's my biggest fear of dying.)

Today: It. Still. Hurts. And my hand, while slimming, is still fat.

Happy birthday! Or ... WWJD?

Happy birthday, America! This pup and his Stars and Stripes are my wallpaper today.

Can you imagine the guts it took for those men to declare our freedom 231 years ago? Do you think any of our leaders could display the same kind of raw courage today? I doubt it, too.

I wonder if today's U.S.A. is what Thomas Jefferson, et al., envisioned on that summer's day more than two centuries ago. Here's some food for thought on What Would Jefferson Do? (or, for this day alone, WWJD?)

• What would Jefferson do if someone proposed making gay marriage illegal?
• What would Jefferson do after having the land he loves attacked by a madman and his followers? Would he retaliate against another country which played no role in the terrorism enacted upon his beloved soil?
• What would Jefferson do if a key federal adviser was found guilty of a crime and sentenced to prison? Would he OK a pardon? Call this man "a great American," as one Tennessean planning to announce his intentions to run for POTUS has?
• What would Jefferson do if the majority of Americans elected a man POTUS, but the electoral votes weren't there to complete the transaction?
• What would Jefferson do if, in the same election, there were questions about votes cast? Or in a subsequent election?
• What would Jefferson do in the event of arguments over religion? Would he think there is a superior religion? Or would he be tolerant of all faiths and beliefs?
• What would Jefferson do if officials talked of closing off America's borders? Would he control immigration?
• What would Jefferson do about health care? Would he recognize the insurance lobbyists as the ones who have a choke hold on the progress that could be made?

Government for the people, by the people and of the people seems to be an ideal that has been lost over the centuries. It is up to us to see that the visions of Jefferson and those who bravely put their necks on the line for our freedom to carry out their ideals.

Are we up to the task? After all they risked, how can we not be?

Which is cheaper?

Today marks the beginning of a new cigarette tax in Tennessee.

The Tennessean did an article on smokers stocking up yesterday before having to pay 42 cents more per pack. (The money, incidentally, goes to education and the state's trauma care centers.)

In the "things that make you go 'hmmmm ...'" department was this gem:

Or they could drive to Kentucky. That's what Cynthia Brown said she plans to do for her weekly carton.

"That's just the way it goes," she said. "But that doesn't make it any easier to accept."

According to the article (which I have to trust, since I neither smoke nor buy cigarettes), "a $26.77 carton Saturday will cost $30.97 today." Using my handy-dandy calculator, that's a difference of $4.20.

Gas is at $2.69 to $3.09 per gallon in Cynthia's corner of the world, according to Nashville Gas Prices.com. And Google Maps indicates its 41.6 miles to the Kentucky border.

So ... why would smokes be cheaper in Kentucky? After you factor in the gas and wear-and-tear on the car on a weekly basis?

It seems to me there are two cost-effective alternatives here: Suck it up and pay the tax. Or quit. Either is going to be cheaper than a weekly trek to the Bluegrass State.

(I wonder why they don't call it "the Bluegrass Commonwealth"?)

Other laws in effect in Tennessee today:

• School resource officers must be sworn police officers.
• Parents face fines if their children don't wear helmets on motorcycles or ATVs.
• Partners seeking divorce must go through mediation. And if children are involved, there's a waiting period.
• Students who gang up to fight an individual student face a mandatory one-year-expulsion.
• A new misdemeanor is removing a radio collar or microchip from a dog without the owner's permission.
• Driving a motorcycle with the front tire off the ground will be considered reckless driving
• Prisoners flashing prison guards face indecent exposure charges.
• Make a non-emergency call to 911 and you'll face a fine of up to $500.
• The tax on food drops one-half cent.
• It is now illegal to have sex with an animal.
• Anyone charged with vehicular homicide is not eligible for any form of diversion, which can get the charge removed from their record.
• The minimum sentence for offenders convicted of child rape increases from 15 to 25 years. That is where the judge starts, and then considers enhancing factors that can increase the sentence or mitigating factors that can decrease it.
• Drivers can now use deadly force if they believe they are in immediate danger from a carjacker.

Sources: WBIR-TV and Bristol News